Samantha and Jessica

For those of you that don't know I am extremely lucky to be the mother of identical twin girls Samantha and Jessica. Born at 36 weeks gestation on the 27th March 1997, by elective c-section they where a healthy 6pound5 and 5pound 5.

I was never the sort of person that thought about the possibility of having twins, in fact, when I found out I was having twins I cried for a VERY long time, something I laugh about now of course because as a great friend of mine says, you don't get the children you want, you get the children you need and Samantha and Jessica ARE exactly what I need.

They are nearly 10 now and I find this milestone a little overwhelming, where on earth has all that time gone AND have I appreciated every possible moment I can? Probably not enough as I should, and I am sure that is something I will refocus on for the next ten years now that I am not a sleep deprived mess and my life is back to a more relaxed existence with these increasingly independent children of mine.

Girls my birthday present to you is simply my love, all that I am and all that I will be is in part thanks to you. Every day with you teaches me so much about things I didn't even know I was interested in, your amazing gift to me is your incredible passion for learning about anything and everything. Your sweet natures and daily consideration of those around you is something most adults cant achieve, you are truly beautiful and I have been extremely blessed to have you in my life. I wish you everything you dream of and more, my princess and my goosey girl I will love you forever.

Here is a few quick pictures of them taken late last year for a school function, they where an absolute pleasure to get ready although the pressure was on for me to come up with the PERFECT outfit on a limited budget, thank goodness for sales!

Danielle

Danielle isn't feeling the best, not just your 'Oh Ive had a baby and now I'm blue' sort of feeling, but a deep rooted 'Oh I feel BAD' sort of feeling. It didn't surprise me, sadly Danielle has had a history of issues since she was about 12/13 and last year before falling pregnant with Bethany she was diagnosed with Bi-Polar.

We have been dealing with this episode for a couple of weeks now, watching over her and Beth, offering what support and guidance we can, staying connected I guess is the best we can do and its not easy.

In the depths of her depression she tries to push away those that love her the most, and tries to ignore the problem in the hope it will go away.

I had one of her friends, who I might add has only been a friend for the last three months or so try and tell me to leave her alone, and tell me I had no idea what I was talking about, Danielle was fine.

Well Danielle ISN'T fine, she just isn't telling THE friend that and it took all of my newly found (the 101 commandments when you join the public service make everyone behave) self control not to slap the silly little tart and throw her out of Danielle's place.

At the moment Danielle is weaning Beth so she can go back on her medication and she starts counselling again next week.

Until then I guess we continue on, doing what we can to make sure that Bethany and her are ok without being too overwhelming and taking over from her because she NEEDS to know she is still responsible, we will always be there for them both BUT this is HER responsibility and she needs to take control of her life.

Its such a delicate balance, cant do to much or she will expect it, cant do to little or you aren't supportive enough.

Perfect?

We got a lovely xmas card the other day, yes I KNOW it was March, but the sender was waiting for me to email our address and as usual being the totally disorganised lacksadaisie ditzy blonde I am I hadn't done it yet.

Well it was from two of our very dear friends, and believe me I absolutely ADORE them but occasionally I am faced with the mind numbing reality that they really are just about as perfect as anyone can be.

Her enclosed letter is brilliantly and charmingly written, they are picture perfect as verified by their enclosed photo and despite having an absolute gut wrenching rotten year last year they are forging ahead into the new year with such gusto it makes me want to cry.

The letter is filled with triumphs and happiness despite such sorrow and loss and they absolutely amaze me, ok Ill admit they don't have five children and a granddaughter to worry about, just a new picture perfect puppy to look after and they both work and she is doing her Masters and he is doing a BLOODY DOUBLE DEGREE, can you imagine? Renovations are nearly complete on their gorgeous cottage in what is fast becoming one of Adelaides trendier country areas in SA and blah blah blah shall I go on or do you have the gist?

Just answer me this how AM I, just me, little old me meant to reply to such a letter?

I have tried a couple of times but it just doesn't quite make the grade how about

Hi guys,
So wonderful to hear from you, things are wonderful here as usual, the twins have only had three fights so far today and it is already 8am, Sarah only told me I was 'Gay' twice this morning and Emily bless her was playing 'house' with the Conditioner again and it all tipped down the drain just before my shower. Sam is well I packed him back of to to work last night, amazingly we only had one argument this weekend which of course was my fault - hormones you know.
Our quiet culdesac has been less so since the new neighbours moved in, their dog barks incessantly but I am relieved that their father seems to yell louder and longer than I do, he uses a much broader range of swear words as well, I really felt a little lacking after listening to him.
All the girls are doing well at school, Sarah hasn't been suspended all year and its nearly Easter break!
Our dogs are ok I see them occasionally, the cats tell me they are well,
Love to all,
xxx

Hmmmmmm dont know that will work....

The Lounge.....

Its a wonderful thing a new lounge, well not so new, but new to me, its changed the whole lounge room, and with it my attitude to visitors, now after 12 months of being anti-visitor I feel ready to take the plunge into the world of social!

Yes I messaged my in real life close friend Mandy and made the announcement, the house is OPEN. Poor Mandy has NEVER visited my house because I am the 'excuse' girl, busy, out, will come to you, that's me - the excuse girl, you name it Ive used it. We have been friends for nearly two years, worked together for over a year, still meet for lunch nearly every week and she has NEVER been to my house.

I of course, have been to her house dozens of times, its like my home away from home, one of those places where I feel comfortable in my own skin as soon as I walk in. And do you think she has noticed - YEAH course she has, but funny thing is that girl knows me better than I know myself at times and she would never ever try to push past the boundary that I built. That's what I like about her the most, it doesn't matter to her how silly something may seem, after all she is my friend because of me not because of my lounge or anything else, but she understands that for whatever reason it matters to me and that's enough for her I think having friends like that is pretty special.

Another Week

Is nearly at its end and I honestly don't know where the time is going. I have holidays over Easter, only 10 days but let me tell you it is absolutely the most well deserved ten days I can think of.

I am taking the younger four girls down to Hobart for the week and we are just going to kick back and relax, a day at the aquatic centre (yes cellu-lots and all), iceskating, a trip to the cadbury factory (mmmmm) and the educational part of it being a trip out to Pt Arthur for the day.

I'm thinking we will leave on the Monday and stay in Launceston on the way down, spend the day at Cataract Gorge, there is a caravan park outside of Launnie that we like staying in as they have a huge family spa you can book.

Head down to Launnie and stay T,W,T & F, head home on Saturday. Sam cant come, but you know what I am NOT going to feel guilty for a second, I really need a break.

Things have just been so hectic with work/girls/Danielle, sometimes its an effort to stop the little old head from spinning. Work is just so busy, but its a good busy because I truly LOVE working there and still wake up with a little buzz every day that I got the job, I think if its been six months and the buzz hasn't worn of that's a really good thing. Funny thing is I am still the same person as I was six months ago but my life then was being dictated by the misery I felt in my old job, in truth it was really making me depressed and grinding away at my self esteem. Now theres only the 'fat' issue and the 'past' issues to deal with, and aint that 'fat issue' a pearler because that is something that cant be fixed overnight! As for the 'past issues' oh I am sooo not ready, I wonder if I will say that till I am 50?

The girls rang me at work the other day and they where doing the normal 'dob on her before she dobs on me' thing, its no issue with my new job getting calls, I have my own number so its all good. Anyway I wrap up the call with them, and the guy that sits next to me says 'do you EVER yell or get upset with them?' And I'm like 'well yeah course' and he says 'I just cant imagine it', I was gobsmacked and pretty darn pleased he isn't a fly in the wall in my house let me tell you!!! I thought about it a lot and thought WOW, are there really parents that just don't yell? Is there anyone out there that has NEVER lost the plot and yelled? I just cant imagine it? Sometimes I will ask the girls something over and over and over and then it just bellows out before I even realise and there you have it, I HAVE yelled and guess what.....................they ALWAYS do what I ask once I have yelled. Have I, without realising, trained them to WAIT until I yell to actually do it?????

Oh I have decided I am dedicating this weekend to R&R, and in good faith have kickstarted that idea by getting all the housework done tonight, floors, vaccuming, dusting - its done!

A new book is high on my list of priorities for the weekend followed by some relaxing bath salts or something, new tweezers to attack the shabby brows and maybe a splash of colour in the hair and on the toes! A spot of clothes shopping may be the order of the day as well. I will have to take my poor puppy for a walk on the beach, I know she tends to get lonely during the week and I really SHOULD take her on the morning walks with me and the twins, but really at 5.30am I am so damn bleary I cant face a hyperactive labrador jumping all over me and doing a kamakazee lap of the house before I pin her down and get the lead on. Emily takes her for a walk every afternoon and more often then not I am bowled over by excitable labrador as I am getting of the bus each afternoon. I am often amazed that Emily can even handle her but she does seem to have more control over Milly than anyone else.

Of course no weekend would be complete without a trip to see my beautiful grand-daughter! Oh she is just an absolute treasure and I consider time with her to be R&R as well. I so wish I had just relaxed and enjoyed my own as much as I am enjoying time with Beth. I have my first official ALL WEEKEND babysitting coming up in July, I promised Danielle I would have her for the weekend of her birthday.

Here is my latest picture of the angel, with Emily (my cookie girl).
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Birthdays and time

Well its nearly my birthday, a big 35! I thought by the time I got to
35 Id be happy with who I was and comfortable in my skin but it hasn't happened yet. Maybe it will happen on Friday when I wake up.

One thing I have noticed is that TIME is travelling at a faster pace then I
ever imagined, the weeks are flying by, and in turn so are the years,
and that is just scary because before I know it I will be announcing my
40th, 50th etc etc.

It seems the older I get the quicker it is
going and I just want it to slow down. Age brings so many things with
it, its more than a new grey hair or a wrinkle, its the dawning
realisation that those around me are ageing as well.Sam's Mum and Dad are in their 70s now, my Nan in her 80s, I don't want to get to this point in my life where I am saying goodbye to people.

Remembering

Our memories are just so special and we really all need to learn to record every little thing. I was having a discussion with a group of lovely ladies about the funny things children say and do - or the embarassing! And I could remember so many of Emilys who is 8 and am struggling to remember ANY of Danielles who is 20.

I am a little sad about that and am going to make a super effort to write write write!

Here are some stories I shared about Emily today:

When we lived in Balaklava we went to the supermarket, turn the aisle corner and their is an a lovely american guy. Before I could stop her Em walks right up and starts rubbing/patting his arm and at the top of her little 3 year old voice says
'you are REALLY black'

At my MILs for a bbq where she has a number of guests. The food comes out and Em turns, looking directly at a very large lady sitting down and says 'you better not have anything to eat' the lady smiles and says 'why' (and I am thinking you are best to ignore a three year old) and Em says 'because you are VERY fat' The whole bbq went silent :-[

We where catching a train into town one day and Em goes over to a nice old man with a long santa looking beard and says 'YOUR NOT SANTA' while she yanks his beard, the look on her face when it DIDNT move was priceless!

At a fete and we turn around to see her with both hands around the neck of a whippet dog - she thought it looked like Santas Little Helper from the Simpsons and was shaking it like Homer does.

At Hungry Jacks one day there was a VERY skinny friend of Danielles turn up, Emily says 'oh my your as skinny as a bone you better have two'