Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Weekends with Family and Friends

We had our first weekend away in what seemed for ever!

Straight after work we headed up to Pt Sorell and spent the weekend in the caravan park on the beach. The first night was rather entertaining as we where in a caravan, it was delightfully squishy and the girls still had their weekday arguments on.

It was cramped, warm and NO TOILET. Oh dear, a toilet is an absolute necessity with five girls in a van, its ok for hubbys they can nip behind a tree!

The morning arrived and we had showers 20c for 3 minutes!!!! The girls thought that was a hoot!!!!

We then moved into the cabin we had booked for the 2nd night, ohhhh the ROOM, the TOILET - ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

After a lovely breakfast of bacon and eggs on the bbq we headed into Shearwater for a few necessities and I bought a hat to go with my beach outfit! LOL - must be getting old to think I need a hat.

Back to the caravan park and time to gather all the supplies for our day at the beach. We had the new beach shelter I bought and it took a while for poor DH to get up, in fact I had to go for a little meander up the beach to avoid the whole tantrum that was brewing.

But eventually shelter safely up and children happily covered in sunscreen and in the water swimming.

I had a magazine and a fully esky - happy mummy ;o)

Not too long after lunch the bast part of the day arrived, my wonderful friend Therese, Rod her husband and their son Zac. Now Therese and I simply don't see each other enough and we had plenty to catch up on, Rod and Zac spent time fishing with Sam, and Zac spent time playing in the water with the girls and having a joyous 'sand pie' fight with the twins. It was so nice to see them getting along, it must have been hard for Zac getting tossed in with all those girls!

The afternoon whiled away and the tide came in a little quicker then expected causing us to think about evacuating the beach shelter in a hurry!

There was the serious business of taking it all down, packing up and saying goodbyes :o(

We had a bbq dinner with the girls and headed of home the next morning, it was truly a lovely weekend and I cant wait to do it all again!

Some pictures of our day:

The beach shelter which was huge and great value for $65.00

Sarah who didnt hang out with us for very long at all - teenagers!

Emily doing a typical DIVA pose, honestly her day ranged from PRECIOUS PRINCESS to SUPER BRAT.

'Sand-Pie Fights'

Catch Of The Day

Nearly a WASH OUT!

Tuesday, February 20, 2007


I am quite excited about our upcoming weekend away. Not only will it be a much deserved break for all of us, but I will also get to catch up with a good friend of mine on Saturday as well! The xmas break and all those horrible daycare fees where just a nightmare, truly. I am so glad to be spending Easter Brak with the girls, with the money we save on daycare we can have a holiday - unbelievable really isnt it. Its really nice for things to get back to normal. And normal usually means saving a bit of money and replacing all those things that the loves of my life seem to break/misplace etc etc on a day to day basis. Love them I do but I will be the first to admit that it annoys me!

Had a GREAT day at work today, it started of looking a little gloomy but shaped up to be rather terrific and I walked out the door pretty darn pleased with my days work. Oh but I wasnt very happy with my non-healthy lunch eating though ~ was running around shopping and grabbed something fast and fatty which is NOT the best thing in the world for me to be doing.

I was chatting away to some online friends earlier and to be honest I would be LOST without them. I think we have been chatting every day for about 4 years or so now, and some of them just make me laugh so much and seriously help keep me sane in this rather rushed starnge life I call mine.

And this post is green, Why? When I am happy within myself I dont mind the colour green. When I dont feel very happy it is the worst colour in the world and I can't stand it.............strange but true!

Monday, February 19, 2007

'For Ava Mummy'

We went to the beach for a swim last night, it was warm, the closest I have come to actually being hot while living in Tassie.

And Emily produced a pink balloon that she had bought along from home 'For Ava Mummy'.

It was so unexpected and simply beautiful........ I love you Emily

A very good friend of mine Therese wrote this for Ava, it is truly beautiful and speaks volumes about the wonder that is an internet relationship...

In a box in your Mum's study
is an ocean of tears
from a group of mums who love you
and are holding her so near'
They hadn't all got to meet you
but love you just so much
from seeing your curls and smiles
through your mummy's magic touch

Your smile could light a whole room
your eyes could do no wrong
your spirit was so empowering
your love of life so strong
we know you now play with angels
and dance among the stars
we know that you will send
mummy your love down from afar
be free from pain sweet ava
let the angels take your hand
show you where you can still see
your family as they try to understand
sleep peacefully sweet baby
in soft white clouds above
always knowing just how much you meant
to us whose lives that you have touched

Weddings and Family

We went to a wedding on Saturday, oh my gosh it was beautiful but the process was painful.

It all started with trying to work out the logistics of getting there.

We decided it may be best to head down on Friday night and stay down there for the two days with the girls. We could go to the wedding and also have some quality time with the girls.

Great idea right.....


I got home from work and the girls where all cleaning their respective rooms AND fighting. Sarah and Emily where the absolute worst, Sarah had a bagful of Emily's things out on the front lawn and I swear I could hear the wailing from the corner of our street.

Combine that with a tired mum and there was NO WAY we where leaving on Friday night, no way in the world.

Saturday morning arrives and I'm thinking ok, its 9am, wedding at 3pm. Logistics are telling me we need to get going early because it is 1.5 hrs drive, soooooo hard to get ready with the girls at the best of times AND I know DH wants to stop and get a new tie and belt. Don't believe what they say about men being able to just stroll into a store, pick something up and be happy with it, that is so far removed fro the truth for my DH it is a JOKE. I KNEW his shopping trip would take at LEAST an hour because he puts no planning into his shopping trips.

Then comes the clincher to my morning.

DH says, ok I'm off, back soon - ummmmm HELLO where are you going?!?!?!?!? Just racket ball, back by 10.30am. OMFG - that was such a MALE thing to do, and believe me the emotional BLOW OUT I had was such a female thing to do that I think we came out even in the end.

Eventually we changed plans and came up with something that everyone could live with, compromises where made as they often are in families. More often then not of late I feel like my life is just one big compromise really.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

And then you know

You are truly blessed, and nothing else that day matters.

Its been a long day and when the girls came to me with a box saying they had found some kittens I was a bit ::) :o ::) ???

Then they ripped open the box and yelled

'Surprise - Happy Valentines Day'

LOL ;D ;D ;D they had gone to some of our neighbours and asked for flowers from their gardens to give to me. Apparently some of the neighbours where just as excited as them ;D ;D ;D and before they knew it they had a box full.

Back to School This Week

The girls all go back to school this week! How exciting for them all I think, and an end to the painful childcare bill for me.

Sarah is in year 8, Samantha and Jessica year 4 (and separate classes for the first time ever), and Emily is in grade 2.

And I am in the midst of covering about 30-35 books! I kid you not! There Must be a better way to cover books than the painful contact process 35 times over.

We have all the usual requirements, the only thing left to get is connector pens, I am told they are the only type that will do so they are on the list for tomorrow.

Had a super crappy day at work, seems someone sent the wrong thing back to the wrong customer (which is a major privacy issue) and I just have this goddamn awful feeling it was me. So I am preparing to face the firing squad - LOL. Probably not that serious, but a silly careless thing to have done at any rate.

Tomorrow and Thursday is just two days of training, hah, cant mess that up I'm sure, a welcome relief I think.

I am feeling a little sensitive and inadequate in a few areas of my life at the moment. Don't you hate it when you feel that way, like your chi just isn't chinging or something. Silly thoughtless mistakes that you don't normally make that upset other people, it really bugs me that.

I caught up with Danielle and Baby Bethany today - oh she is scrumptious, now she always makes me feel good! Danielle was so sweet, had gone to a lot of trouble to make me a yummy lunch which I really appreciated today. They are coming to stay tomorrow night and I really cant wait, it is so nice spending time with Bethany and just being loved for doing absolutely nothing at all.

DH rang tonight, all is well in the life of a miner for today. I feel sorry for him when he is away because he misses out on so much, other times I resent the hell out of him because I am left doing it all. All does not feel right in paradise at the moment, I really hate periods in our relationship like this, where I begin to question everything and wonder if after everything we have been through if it might not just have been too much. And then something changes, the balance moves and I think everything is just wonderful.

Ha - could also be because I haven't walked in the morning once this week, lazy git, maybe I am of the planet because I need to walk. Maybe I am rambling because my endorphins haven't been released, bit annoying that chocolate doesn't work the same way as exercise actually, someone up on the jolly old heaven factory line really screwed that one up.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Family Tricks and Nicknames to Remember

My children have these funny little things they can do.

All of them can put their tongues right up on the tips of their noses, so YESSSS they could pick their noses with their tongues......EWWWWW...

Jessica can fold her tongue up, its a bit like an accordion, quite unusual and funny.

A couple of them are double jointed and gross me out with it on a regular basis.

I cant really do much of anything like that. Well I can flare my nostrils out without moving anything else on my face, bit boring really, Id rather be able to twitch the end of my nose.

They all have a nickname Danielle's was Bobby after Bobby in Home and Away because she got her hair cut just like hers once and the name stuck.

Sarah is Sarah Bare Bum, because when she was little she would at every opportunity rip of her nappy and run around with a bare bum. She is also Ruby Girl to her Dad.

Samantha is Manthy, and Jessicas is Dessie. Simply because that is what they called each other when they where learning to talk. Samantha is also Daddy's princess and Jessica is Goosey Lucy because she is a bit of a goose and we decided after we named her that we should have really called her Lucy.

Emily is Cookie, I used to always play a game where she was a big fat cookie and Id gobble her all up so the name stuck.

Beautiful aren't they the little things we all share.....

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Balloons For Ava

The weather cleared and we took our pink balloons to the beach. The girls each wrote a message on their balloons and we let them go, the idea was for the to drift out onto the ocean, as we know that there are already many, many balloons filling the sky for Ava today.

Messages on balloons:

The girls wrote there own messages and we walked out into the water to release them onto the waves, that is those that werent chasing their balloons up the beach! I have heard that Avas funeral was a touching, beautiful day, absolutely perfect for the 'SUPER PRINCESS'

Its times like this I wish I had a camera that could do the memories justice.

My Children

There, now all my ramblings can be done for free! Ive moved over from the type pad trial because Blog Spot seems to have most of the features I want and of course the 'free' part appealed to me!

Little Ava's funeral is today, I had hoped to go and release some balloons on the beach or blow some bubbles for her but it is a seriously miserable day here, rain, wind, thunder etc just impossibly bad weather. I actually woke up to the thunder at 6.30am, it was so loud.

There are lots of people around Australia thinking of her this morning, and of course thinking of Sheye, Crayton, Luca, Mason and Ivy, wishing them the strength to remember, and the strength to let their Super Princess fly away from them for a little while, for nothing truly ends and when the hands of time turn again they will be together again one day.

So I will spend the day with my girls and reflect on how fortunate we are in this space of time to just be together.

We also need to do Sarah's Birthday cake today, as we where saving it for when Sam was home, sometimes it is hard that he works away, even though it is only Monday-Friday each week, when events like birthdays etc come up he misses out. I have decided that from now on we will have two celebrations, one when on the day and then one when he is home to join in. Its just impossible to say to the girls that they need to wait, and impossible to say to him that he misses out, so two cakes it will be!

Here is a picture of all the girls together just after Bethany was born it was such a special moment for them all to share.

The five girls are just all so different.

You know I always thought because I can so clearly see the faults in my own children that I didn't love them enough, I felt like if you have this complete love for your child surely you shouldn't see their faults? And I see parents like that, you know the ones that think there little poppet is just THE perfect child and the more I see it the more I think Id rather see my children's faults.

If we can see someones faults and still love them to pieces isn't that a better thing than living with your head in the sand? My girls know that there are some things that they do that I really cant stand, but they also know that I would walk to the end of the earth for them and I will love them to my very last breath.

Danielle reminds me of my sister so much sometimes it hurts, I see it in the toss of her hair, the vague 'I didn't do it' expression that crosses her face. Its her total lack of responsibility that I find hard to deal with, I have spent my whole life being so responsible and it really bothers me when people don't own up to things they have done/said or have any direction in their lifes. I used to think it was my fault (sometimes I think EVERYTHING is my fault, after all I had her so young etc etc. These days I just accept it is her, and I cant change that, all I can do is love her and love her little lost girl she is walking around the world with no idea of where she is heading.

Sarah is so stubborn, amazingly talented but lazy, independent, frustrating and loyal, loyal to the end. Stands by her sisters sides regardless of right/wrong NO ONE will ever hurt them. An incredibly talented Netballer she has the ability develop into a State level player at the very least but she is just too lazy these days to take the extra training that is required seriously.

Samantha is of course the firstborn of our twins, and she takes that role seriously. Samantha is a nurturer, she looks after everyone in the house, she just gives and gives and gives. Sometimes I worry that one day she will have given so much she will have nothing left for herself. To be loved by Samantha is to know the purest sweetest love possible.

Jessica our baby twin girl my joker, cheeky scooby-doo girl who fights constantly with Emily over the position of 'baby', messy jessy who knows Samantha will fix it all up for her. Jessy still scared of the dark, still crawling into her twins bed at night, sweet sweet jessy would be lost in this world without Samantha.

Emily, the one we where close to loosing at birth, my baby, my performer, my wildly eccentric child. The girl who lives in her secret world, who struggles to keep friends for she is far too bossy. Too bossy and full of opinions, always wanting the final word, Oh my cookie girl I do love you.

Today is also my sons birthday, I havent seen him for sixteen years, he is 17 today. Where ever he is and what ever he may be doing I wish him the happiest of days, my love and my never ending sorry for all that we could never share. Wayne- Peter I love you, and I will be sorry forever that I wasnt able to be your mother, I know in my heart of hearts that one day we will meet and I pray for your acceptance, understanding and perhaps you will find a way to forgive me.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

So Tired

I am so tired, always at the end of the week it hits me, just pure bone weary deep aching tiredness. And I am so tired of having to explain I am tired!

You would think that it would be simple for my husband to appreciate that while he works away during the week I also work full time and look after our four school age girls, I am BUSY BUSY BUSY. Most days start at 5.30am and end at 10.30ish and by the end of the week I am just TIRED!

Its not rocket science, and shouldn't be hard to understand, yet week after week I find my self explaining why I sound a little flat on the phone. Does anyone EVER listen to what I have said or am saying, does anyone actually hear me. Sometimes I feel like I could tear myself inside out because I swear I am not being heard, I believe they listen but they don't hear me.

Sarah is 14 today, and happy birthday to her. We of course had a fight, what on her birthday I hear you say, yes on her birthday - typical. The day was going swimmingly well till the bus ride home (did I mention I didn't have a new car yet and I AM TIRED???) Emily and Sarah started fighting over who would ring the bell and of course they rang it a stop early. So I made them get off and walk the 100 metres. The twins and I rode to the next stop, as Sarah got of the bus she called me a 'friggin mole'. Ha - a 'friggin mole' indeed, rude teenagers they are just awful sometimes and so amazingly perfect at others. So we walked home and cleaned up during which that silly husband of mine rings and asks Sarah what is wrong with me (did I mention I am tired) and she recaps the bus incident but of course leaves out the 'friggin mole' (and Im sure it was fucking but anyway..) part of the story, so then by the time I get back on the phone he asks me if I am not over-reacting a bit over them pushing the bell early...HONESTLY by this stage it is nearly 6.30pm and I am ready to throw the phone at the wall. I ask him if he is really stupid enough to believe that is all it is about and he says 'Im just going on what Sarah told me' . Oh well dear man THAT is my point?!?!?! Why on earth would you not think for just a second that perhaps there was more to the story? Maybe you havent really married some physco woman after all.

I just wish when he was over there and he rang he would SHUT UP. He thinks he is helping but all he is doing is annoy the absolute bejesus out of us all and inflaming the situation. As if I would be mad over just the bell bit, and if I hadnt of been so tired I probably would have just told the driver wrong stop, except its the grumpy driver and its not the first time they have done it anyway.

Of course within minutes of him being of the phone, all was well and Sarah hd apologised and completed expected I am sorry househoild cleaning, harmony and balance is back in the house.

Oh speaking of teenagers, I had a bit of a laugh with a friend at work today just as we where leaving, Ive discovered I have grouped Sarah's friends into two groups ~ those that have had sex (bad friends), and those that haven't (good friends). Sarah was out with Maddie today and they where waiting for me with the other girls outside of work, my friend commented on me having an extra one and I said oh she is one of Sarah's 'good' friends. Hmmm I can hardly believe that I actually thought like that, please tell me I am not turning into my mother.

The funeral for my friends little girl is on Saturday, of course as it is in Qld I wont be going but it sounds though as if it will be a wonderful celebration of her life, everyone has been asked to wear pink and they are releasing hundreds of pink balloons a truly beautiful way to remember such a special little girl.

Speaking of beautiful little girls, here is my little grandaughter. This was also my first ever digital scrapbooking effort.

Danielle and Bethany are doing really well actually, I see them nearly every day! I think she is really sweet they stayed over last night and I spent about an hour chatting to her, and dancing ! Bethany LOVES to dance with her Nana, we twirl and twirl and I sing along, she is absolutely the only person left in the world that doesnt mind my dancing and singing! I sent Danielle home with the digital camera and stern instructions to take GOOD pictures!

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Not Fair

An online friend lost her beautiful little girl Ava Rosemeyer pictured above, gorgeous isnt she? It was a blameless tragic acident that could have happened to anyone, and in fact had it happened to just anyone I would have:

1. Read it on Page Three of the Examiner (Never would have hit the Advocate ~ not big enough news)

2. Tut-tutted over the tragedy of it all.

3. Turned to the classifieds to see if there was any lounges for sale, because that is what I am actually reading the paper for, the news of the day is just a temporary imposition, something to tut-tut about.

Its all different when its someone you 'know'.

Online relationships are the strangest things, you form close bonds with people that you would normally walk past in the street, you tell them things you don't tell anyone ~ not even your husband, its all so safe.

A nice safe little world where you go to hide, browse ebay, buy something you don't need, chat a bit, share photos.

We forget its real, full of real things, real people, real lives, people that bleed, people that cry, people that die.

I will never forget it again.

Ava's mother, Sheye is an AMAZING photographer though I dont think she realises how talented she is, over the last few years she has shared her talent and her love of her beautiful children through her photos in an online forum that I am a member of, there are a lot of people feeling like me at the moment - shocked, hurt and angry that this can happen to anyone, let alone such a loving special family.

I thought that it would be a nice idea to be able to give a breath of time, imagine if we all gave a year of our own time and that was enough to bring her back, how simple, a year isnt much is it, it passes in the blink of an eye. But then how many do we give away and how do we choose who they get given to. It just doesnt work does it.

There is no sense in a tragedy like this, a loss of anyone is hard, yet when it is a child it is harder for they remind us that death holds no friends and will not pass you by. The only lesson we learn is that our time here is truly fragile, we should gently care for each precious day we have with those that we love and learn to forget those things that are truly unimportant.

I wish I could turn back the clock and have learnt that lesson a little earlier in life, oh the many things I could change.