Saturday, February 23, 2008

Dear Dad

I looked your phone number up tonight.

Every now and again I check, just to make sure you are still alive.

Sad............but true.

You know you have five granddaughters and a great grand daughter who you have never seen don't you?

Sad............but true.

You know Dad, when you dropped me off at my Grandmas for the weekend I REALLY did think you where coming back on Sunday............Sunday came 7 years later.

Sad............but true.

Sometimes when Grandma's partner was making me do things that no six year old should imagine I would cry for you.

Sad............but true.

You know all I wanted was a 'REAL' family don't you Daddy?

Sad......... ..but true.

Sometimes when you I was sitting on the front fence waiting for the police to come when I was 13 and you where smacking the crap out of my step-mum I wondered why I loved you, but you know I ALWAYS did.

Sad............but true.

You know the first time I tried to kill myself was because of you don't you Daddy?

Sad............but true.

How silly was I really, to let you lack of love dictate my life for so long?

Sad............but true.

Someday I will have the courage to dial that phone number even though I KNOW you will let me down again.

Sad............but true.


Lynda said...

Whoooooooaaaa where did that come from? Isn't it sad that we still have to carry that crap with us everyday of our lives. And yours is filled with such love now.

Emma-Kate Castricum said...

Oh Trudi,

I was wishing as I read this was some kind of creative writting you had made up not something you really have gone through. I hope Grandma's partner is rotting in hell.

Now Karma has paid you a good turn and given you 5 divine babies (not all so small now) to love and have love you.
BTW how's your soon to be mother of 2 daughter doing? how far is she now? I'm totally jealous of anyone pregnant at the moment, still battling a case of the cluckies!


Brissiemum2 said...

Awwwww Honey, I am crying reading that! Your pain is still so raw, isn't it! I wish I could just give you a big bear hug and make it all better for you!

Sadly, there are some people in the world who don't deserve to have wonderful children.

Thankfully, you now have your beautiful girls....and how bloody lucky are they to have you for a mum!

(((big hugs)) You know your friends love you! M-wah!

Trudi said...

It is amazing when the hinges on the treasure box in our minds begin to corrode isn't it Lynda, all therapeutic I am sure.

Oh Emma he was worm food a long time ago and isn't that as it should be! Danielle is about 10 weeks or so now I guess, and I MUST take some pictures of Madam Beth this afternoon when we go over :o) I will post lots of pictures, hmmmm if I could capture Bethany's current ear splitting squeals that might help your cluckies for a little while I think!

Love you too Scrivvy xx You know its the love of my friends that has saved me, over and over xxx

T said...

Huge hugs honey - it's good to get it out

Vanessa and Kara said...

You know you're amazing don't you so true.