2008 Resolutions

At the half way point of my two weeks off and oh my gosh is it going so deliciously slowly......which is just as well because our schedule for when school goes back is going to be scarily crazy.

The girls are in full swing of holiday mode, so far today I have offered a trip to the movies, beach and video store and each offer has been met with a chorus of 'Nah we dont want to' hmmmmmmmm what DO you want to do? 'Ummm nothing mum its the holidays'.

Even my cleaning up demands this morning where met with little to no objections, just a bleary eyed acceptance that the sooner it was done the sooner there would be NOTHING to do.

This reinforces that our school time schedule is seriously chaotic.

The girls are now in a comatose state of vegetation sprawled all over the lounge watching some slightly bizarre reality tv show marathon, I am however hopefull that the lure of fireworks will get us out and about a little later.

So my resoultion for 2008 (apart from utilising my gym membership a little more frequently) will be to discover ways to balance our hectic schedules into some sort of peaceful harmony.

Fortunately Sam doesn't rate in the schedule stakes, poor guy (or lucky depending on the hormones at home that week) works five days away followed by five days at home.

This of course does mean he can pick up the slack when he gets home which usually involves grocery shopping, changing the sheets and talking to the animals.

I don't have the answers for magically reducing the stress and demands of the New Year on us, but I'm ready for the challenge.

LOL..... Just For Mums Thanks Billie

Hmmmmmmmm

My children should have warnings on them when they walk into a room, something neon and bright that alerts me to the fact that they are about to get another one over me.



"Do I reallllllyyyyy need to do my grounding", asks Miss 8.

"Well" I say, struggling to keep a smile from my face,

"Do you think you should have to?"

Miss 8 pauses, frowns with her little nose crinkled up and says

"Well yes I guess so, BUT I did say sorry......"

You also have a mother who is a complete pushover AND you know it!

I think having five girls has worn my resolve down, or after five girls I have decided some things just don't matter....or I have NO brain cells left, I can never quite figure out which it is but the lack of brain cells is sort of up there on the list as it explains away the other goofy stuff I seem to do.

One thing I do know is when Miss Emily pulls an Emily face I am a gonner! This is such a shocking photo, the light is poor, its out of focus BUT the fun Em is jumping out of it and I love it.

That Little Girl Of Mine

The girls and I where at the shops and I was looking for some basic thongs for camp next week when I realised Emily wasn't standing right next to us as she should have been.

It doesnt matter how many time as a parent it happens to you those moments are always awful, its an instant stomach tightening sick feeling.

I called for her and started my search but I didnt have far to look.

Miss 8 was sitting in the next aisle surrounded by shoes and was gazing at her feet with a mixture of amazement and adoration on her face. Barely looking up at me she breathed 'Look at these mum'.

She had a pair of pink high heels on.

I so wish I had a camera with me to catch that moment, her expression, the light in her eyes.

There was no way I could leave there without those shoes for my little girl.

They aren't my style, and not something I would normally buy for her but that moment and those shoes are one of those beautiful memories we will always have.

It was a moment where a little girl got exactly what her heart desired, and a mother remembered that her little girl was growing up.

I love you baby girl so very much xxx

Xmas Pictures

I love Xmas, its usually a nice family affair and I just love the general indulgence of the whole occasion.

Our morning started with too many presents



Jessica is rather loving the idea of leaving little spiders all around the house for me!



I made some rather yummy desserts...well put the topping on anyway!

Yummy Cheesecake and Pavlova




Next it was time to get the Xmas dresses on



A bit of goofy sister stuff!





And we headed up to my brother in laws for the day. They bought their house about 12 years ago now and it was a great buy then, even by Tasmanian standards. They have had to do a lot of renovations but have the most amazing views from their front decking.....




Sarah on the side decking pulling goofy faces at me



My sister in law had been cooking all morning and was quite the errrhummm happy elf?? She would KILL me if she knew this photo was blogged so shhhhhhhhhhhhh......



My nephew Sam was there, he is a little Boho cross Hippie I think but it seems to suit him, he has a gorgeous girlfriend Anna.





Some random shots of the twins. As you can see the Xmas dresses are a distant memory!





I love these two photos, I was taking a nice picture of Emily and then Jessica jumped in, check out the look on Emilys face!! Too funny!!




My BIL Mark has over the years decked out this shed, I think its pretty amazing LOL we always end up in here playing pool and just hanging out.




My SIL Carol and her son, my nephew Sam



Carol again with my gorgeous girl Sarah



My hubby Sam



Sam and I being silly



And a picture that Samantha took of me




And that was our Xmas day 2007.

I'm A Pink Plaid Or Floral Type Of Girl Really

Ah the joy of the Xmas wish list.

Every year I get asked what I want and I provide sensible practical choices.

Not just one item, but a couple to pick and choose from.

Easy really isn't it?

This years list was some new underwear (nothing nicer than a top quality matching set in my opinion), some new perfume and a new book.

With a bit of hesitation I rolled out of bed at 5am Xmas morning and blearily stumbled out to the lounge to witness the mass destruction of my neatly wrapped and ribboned parcels.

Then it was my turn, ohhh the first parcel revealed the PERFECT matching underwear set - yipeeee.

Hmmm the second parcel, hmmmm whats going on I think as I grab it, its soft and spongy............definitely NOT a book OR perfume......

Arrrrrhmmmmmmmmmm what do we have here.....a VERY sheer flimsy wispy black lacy PJ set with a matching sheer robe.

Hmmmmmmmm what in the world am I meant to do with this I wonder, this WILL not protect me during a Tasmanian winter.

On closer examination I notice its made from unrelenting polyester AND also appears to be couple of sizes too small.

And of course my darling husband is exactingly and patiently waiting for my verdict..........ohhh its lovely I say (Pinocchio eat your heart out), might be a tad too small I add, but ohhh gorgeous and um soft and ummmm light.

I quickly bundle it back into its wrap and set my sights on making the Amazing Allysn doll work for Miss 8.

Now I know that pink plaid or floral type PJ's may not be the sexiest attire in the world but the reality is they are a damn sight warmer and more practical than the basically see through get up my darling hubby purchased.

He thought it would look nice on me, well yes, it would have five children and 30kgs ago but I still probably wouldn't have worn it because it is so darn impractical.

I thinking its like trying to turn a jocks man into a boxer short fellow and visa versa.

I am quite happy being a practical type of girl in my pink plaid or floral jim jams thanks very much!

PS: Xmas pictures tomorrow - Too many toys and yummy desserts!

Merry Xmas

I have so much to tell you all about Xmas but it will have to wait........

Places to go and people to have a drink with.

Merry Xmas to everyone, remember to cherish EVERY second with those around you!

xxx

The Treasure Box

Looks a little bit like this in my imagination.

It sits at the back of my mind and whenever required I carefully lift the lid about an inch, hurriedly drop my latest problem or issue in it and VOILA problem gone!

Over the years I have replaced the bursting hinges, added a couple of new locks and sat on it a couple of times.

There is really some serious shit in there.

I recommend it for all of those that think things are too hard, think its all too much.

Get a treasure box fill the fucker and get on with it.

A point in the past

Everyone asks whats it like to have twins, are they the same, do they fight, is it hard, the list of questions is endless. The answers are simple YES YES and YES!

I was NEVER one of these people that WANTED twins, the thought NEVER crossed my mind.

They where an accident, a rather nice one, but nevertheless an accident.

They also arrived at a point in my life where I recognise that my world started to shift and change and move. One of those times where you have two distinct paths in front of you and you yearn to travel one however forces beyond your control are pulling you in another.

Sam and I had just gotten married.

Rather unconventionally we had already been living together for five years.

I of course I had Danielle from a previous relationship, and Sam and I met, had a whirlwind beginning to our relationship, moved in together after six weeks and had Sarah two years later.

We had decided that two was probably enough. Sam was never a baby person and to be honest the infringement of children in his life was a little more than he could cope with. Don't get me wrong he loved the girls but he really wasn't a hands on father when the girls where little, that was something that came a lot later in life for him.

So there we where, quite young (he was 28, I was 24) and completely in love, when we where out together my Sister In Law used to say the chemistry between us was unmistakable, we only had eyes for each other and there was nearly a visible line connecting us across a room. She told me she would often watch him gazing at me across a room, his eyes soft and filled with that full rich emotion that is usually reserved for the best of the Hollywood romance movies.

It was certainly the love of loves, I felt it with every inch of my being, and why shouldn't we.....

We where young, in love, living in our first home and with us both working full time we weren't facing many financial concerns at all.

We had just enjoyed a wedding filled with family and friends, oh of course it wasn't perfect we did have THAT family episode that most weddings can boast but the moment is still firmly etched in my memories.

A few weeks later I discovered I was pregnant.

I knew it was going to change things, but I figured it was workable. I had a good job, I was entitled to Maternity leave, we where a family already after all, these things happen.

San wasn't as impressed and seemed to lower a window shutter in my face, at least that's what it seemed like at the time. He felt the only answer was a nice, quick easy abortion.

When I didn't readily agree, he withdrew from me emotionally, completely and absolutely.

It was almost as if I had done this to him, it was my fault and by not doing what he wanted me to I was in some way trying to ruin his life.

In the meantime I was so shell shocked by his reaction I didn't know what the right thing to do was.

I just wanted him to love me again.

I had spent the first 19 years of my life with so little love that having the love I had felt for the last five years removed was like a part of me dying.

I didn't have that abortion.

I chose my path.

It was a hard path to walk. I took more than my share of responsibility for it.

At first of course we thought it was just one baby. When we discovered it was two he was very happy. I didn't quite get that as I was devastated, what in the world was I meant to do with TWO babies?

When we had the ultrasound and the technician said it was two girls he stood up and walked out - my god I hated him for that. I laid on the scanning table and sobbed.

He took so much joy from me.

After the girls where born he would come in every afternoon like we where a chore at the end of his day and sit in the corner of the hospital room and read the paper.

He would leave and brush a kiss over my cheek, all I wanted was for him to hold, hold the girls say how beautiful they where.

I wanted him to be involved and be there.

By the third day the nurses sent in the social worker, the social worker cried with me.

On day five we where ready to go home, I had EVERY intention of going home on my own with the girls. It was over, I couldn't do this.

He arrived as I was bathing the girls to take them home. Maybe he sensed a change in the air, maybe he had resolved his issues but he took over bathing the girls and with every drop of water my resolve weakened.

There is a little piece of me that will never forgive him for that time in our lives, it is one of many many less then perfect moments as we struggle to keep our 16 year relationship together and alive after more ups and downs than most see in lifetime of living.

He still gazes at me like that across a room, the shutter is back up and the love is there again, probably more than it ever was.

There is a little piece of me that is still hurt, even after all these years.

When does it end and how do you let it go?

He openly says he was such a bastard then, and he was. He now thanks me for the twins as he can't imagine life without them.

I sometimes think having Emily was his way of saying sorry, and she was a truly beautiful gift.

I don't think about it often these days, but when I do, the feelings and emotions are as raw as they where 11 years ago.

The twins are glorious, beautiful, strong, smart, just so utterly delicious...........my path was rocky to be sure but the result was worth every painful step.

Stay AWAKE at work

That is the general rule and a very important one I think.

Sadly for the first time in my life I didn't manage it. Caught myself nodding of over mid morning the other day but fortunately no dribble on the keyboard.

The culprit - Zyrtec! Now don't let the chemist fool you this stuff can put you to sleep! My chemist promised it was non-drowsy, I of course (stupidly) took it as gospel, and with the ever present streaming eyes, dripping nose and sneezing every few seconds chewed them up like candy looking for a little relief.

Well relief came in the shape of head nodding, struggling to make it to 4.30pm. NOT a good look for a government employee let me tell you! Yeah you can laugh some of us DO actually work :o)

Five more sleeps

No not till xmas - I can count you know!

Five more sleeps till my two weeks holidays. And I am EXCITED!

Ok so the glitz and glam of xmas slightly overshadows it but I am still excited! This excitement is likely to reach mammoth proportions the week after xmas when Sam has returned to work and its just the girls and I for one whole week. DOn't get me wrong I love him to pieces but he is of the 'wake up its morning' variety and I am going for the 'who gives a fuck' approach to holidays.

I am picturing some lazy days down on the beach with my new book (on the xmas list), the chance to clean out a cupboard or two and just a small slice of not a hell of a lot!

For those that are used to paid holidays every year you are probably thinking WTF - big deal, but having spent the better half of my adult life self employed or in casual (AKA NO holidays) employment the fact that some one is going to pay me to sit on my butt doing nothing for a couple of weeks is delicious beyond belief!

As I sink my toes into the warm sand I am quite simply going to savour every second of it!

Early Xmas Get Together......

Well a combined xmas/birthday celebration.

My FIL had his birthday this week, and seeing as they are scooting over to Adelaide for Xmas we decided to have a bit of a get together to exchange presents before they left.

I have been suffering from a hormonal migraine since Wednesday so that explains my ummm rather washed out (semi-pissed) look in the pictures, after numerous Imigran, Panadeine and Mersyndol this week I was coming to the conclusion that nothing was going to shift the grinding monster from my temporal lobe, BUT it seems if one consumes enough champagne cocktails you may just be able to say goodbye Mr Migraine.

I was sooooo HAPPY to wake up this morning feeling only slightly woolly headed and queasy but NO MORE migraine!

My only disappointment was not taking pictures of our earlier adults only lunch up at the Hellyers Road Distillery.

We all had a gorgeous lunch, the food and service where probably the best I have ever experienced in Burnie.

After lunch we headed back to MIL's for a few drinks (more champagne cocktails and Bourbon for me) and exchanged gifts.

It was really a lovely day!

Emily with her Uncle Mark


Samantha and her Aunt Carol - note partially consumed champagne cocktail!


The birthday boy! Alistair (FIL)


Sarah in a DRESS! Yes miracles do happen!


Joan (MIL) and I


Sam, Samantha and Emily


Emily


Emily


Jessica


Sarah and Emily


Sarah and Me I can FEEL the headache I had in this picture.

Bethany

Now let me tell you Miss Beth is nearly ONE - Serious I am not kidding you. In 28 days she will be ONE.

My how the year has flown I can hardly believe it.

Things are far from perfect with Danielle but Beth is a constant joy to me.

One of my biggest thrills was buying her first xmas dress, those that know me will know that every year I get the girls 'my pick' from Fred Bare's summer collection.

Every year there is a dress that just captures me and I am a gonner, this year was no exception............I had to buy four of them!

A sneak preview of Miss Beth in her Xmas dress AND some of Miss Emily Just BECAUSE.

Im Baaaaaaacccccckkkkkk

And where the fuck have I been?!?!?!?!?!?!

Call it writers block, sleepiness, disinterest, bi-polar happenings, the full moon for several months whatever I was there.

Caught up selling on ebay again for a while - thats a joke definitely need a trading assistant, got lost in face book for a while, sucked into many games of scrabulous........ahhh the list goes on.

Sam and the girls are well, have been busy with them as well, for a while there my every free waking minute was being spent at the netball courts with the girls and you know what they say if you cant beat them join them, so join I did.

I hit the netball court for my first game in 23 years.

A few weeks later after I picked myself up............

No not really, look it could have been a lot worse. Overweight mother of five goes to play netball after 23 years...you get the picture its not a pretty sight....

I suffered for the first few weeks, it seriously was taking me a WEEK to recover, I tilted my pelvis, strained my groin, got shin splints......get the idea?????

But I went to physio and I hit the court again and again.

I was convinced that EVENTUALLY my body would have to get used to it.

And it did. By the last game I was feeling GREAT.

The girls where quite impressed with my efforts, Sarah's exact words after my first game where 'Geez mum I expected you to really suck but you did ok'.

I spent many a game wishing someone would stuff a sock in Emily's mouth her shrill screaming 'Stick to your player mum, your player MUM...MUM MUUUUUMMMMMMMMM STICK TO YOUR PLAYER' would drive anyone to fake a season long injury.

As for the girls netball well this year Sarah played for Burnie in the U14 Development Team playing at State Carnivals in Hobart, Launceston, Scottdale and Devonport. We are waiting in anticipation her letter from the Tasmanian Netball Association to see if she managed to gain a position in the Regional Development Squad.

Samantha played in the U10 Development Squad for Launceston and Devonport and also selected for U11s for Scottsdale.

Jessica through sheer grit and determination AKA going every week to train even when not on the selections list was considered developed enough to be selected for the U10s going to Devonport. Well she proved her worth providing incredible defending skills as GD/GK - Jess my girl I seriously didn't know you could run that much xxx

Emily hates netball - LOL.